*Pronounce “Verbier” in your best whinging spoilt teenager voice with a hint of a posh Swiss accent and a dash of belief that you’re the world’s best skier*
All of yesterday my group of four boys were moaning and whining about not being able to ski in Verbier, constantly questioning if and when they would be able to go to Verbier and generally just pining for fancy Verbier which was just a chairlift away, across the valley and miles past my tolerance for how often a place name could be repeated. As most of them had skied there a million times before they felt as if it was their ski home or as if it was ski heaven and so time and time again queried the possibility of a visit into the next valley. The sheer volume of grumbling must have awoken some almighty divine being as today, I was handed some improved lift passes which extended the ski area over the valley into the celestial Verbier.
You’d think such a gracious gift would appease such wailing and that having their cravings satisfied would’ve contented their demanding little souls.
No. Even the famous Verbier was not a large enough treat to fill them and this morning the opulent outcries continued. There are certain things which are out of an instructors control. Things such as a schools policy on off piste, whether I am allowed to take them down itinerary runs and the quality of the snow. Things such as the cold and fatigue are normal on the slopes and just part of the job but when kids are constantly moaning about restrictions regarding terrain, persistently inquiring about trips to the snow park and then not obtaining the manners to listen to an explanation it just gets annoying. But the most infuriating moan of the morning was when the kid most concerned about any ventures to Verbier arrived at the touted resort and then moaned about being there. He moaned about not being able to ski back in Nendaz as we had the previous day, moaned about how busy it was, moaned about having to be good to be rewarded with a trip to the jump park and moaned about having to be well behaved to get to go off piste. He moaned so much you could frame him, put him up in the Louvre and call him the Mona Lisa. All the bugging finally got to me and after a stern word the moaning, or desire to, was squashed as they realised the negative impacts it could have on their day skiing and the enjoyment that entails.
After that, we had a pretty awesome day. Verbier is renowned for a reason and we skied some amazing slopes and some good off piste and they were even allowed a few laps through the park as a reward for not being so constantly keen on giving me a headache. As they are good skiers it’s hard to find today’s Jerry as there were no big tumbles and no lift catastrophes so it’s going to have to go to the serial moaner. This kid also aided the wipe out of an elderly gentlemen who skied across the kids skis but as it’s not his fault it’s hard to pin the ding-a-ling on him for that. He did however decided to deliberately impersonate a Jerry by unzipping his jacket as well as the sides of his ski pants, wear his goggles around his neck and carry his poles upside down as he went down a piste. I hate giving the award to someone who tries but for his mind numbing moaning, I have no other choice.